A letter to my first boyfriend....
It was nice to meet up with you yesterday, 'Nice' is the kind of word used when you don't really know whether it was nice or not. And that's a bit how its left me feeling..
It was interesting to find out how your life is about now and to catch up with old friends from the past and to hear about your relatives who were so much part of my teenage life. But i felt strangely uneasy in your company.
I felt as though you were trying to tell me that there was still something between us, that the relation we had once was still there just waiting to be unfolded again.
I do not feel like that. Although you were my first boyfriend and although at that time i thought we were together forever. I can now only see that relationship as the beginning of a long path. This is not that i m trying to say that i did not value our relationship, just to say that it has its place in the history and that is were i want to leave it...
You were boastful when you told me about all the girls u dated in the course of time. Maybe to make me jealous? While wanting to know mine. Had i been tempted to 'stray'??? What was that about? You kept speaking about how you have changed since we broke up coz it wasn't possible for me to live with you. You spoke about how you have stopped smoking n had got rid of all other bad habits just for me. How you respect and value me now and how u have turned into the guy i always wanted to be with. You reminded me about all the little things we did, the places we went, lots of ice creams we had, our never ending conversations over the phone, endless evening walks, games we played as kids, n how i had treasured all the little things u had given me...knowing all this just made me feel stupid... I could get the hint.. You were so curious to know about the guy i was with now. When i did tell u about him..all u did was try highlighting all d bad points in him n make me realise that how wrong that guy was for me....n how better you are..! You tried to show me what all could still happen between us, all that i could not see.
What should and could have been a meeting where we laughed at our childish romance and were pleased to hear our life stories, somehow seemed to me like a romantic assignation in your eyes, which made me uncomfortable.
I did not feel good about the meeting, which was a pity..i suppose you didn't either. We parted with exchange of emails n intentions to keep in touch, but i don't know if i will......
It was interesting to find out how your life is about now and to catch up with old friends from the past and to hear about your relatives who were so much part of my teenage life. But i felt strangely uneasy in your company.
I felt as though you were trying to tell me that there was still something between us, that the relation we had once was still there just waiting to be unfolded again.
I do not feel like that. Although you were my first boyfriend and although at that time i thought we were together forever. I can now only see that relationship as the beginning of a long path. This is not that i m trying to say that i did not value our relationship, just to say that it has its place in the history and that is were i want to leave it...
You were boastful when you told me about all the girls u dated in the course of time. Maybe to make me jealous? While wanting to know mine. Had i been tempted to 'stray'??? What was that about? You kept speaking about how you have changed since we broke up coz it wasn't possible for me to live with you. You spoke about how you have stopped smoking n had got rid of all other bad habits just for me. How you respect and value me now and how u have turned into the guy i always wanted to be with. You reminded me about all the little things we did, the places we went, lots of ice creams we had, our never ending conversations over the phone, endless evening walks, games we played as kids, n how i had treasured all the little things u had given me...knowing all this just made me feel stupid... I could get the hint.. You were so curious to know about the guy i was with now. When i did tell u about him..all u did was try highlighting all d bad points in him n make me realise that how wrong that guy was for me....n how better you are..! You tried to show me what all could still happen between us, all that i could not see.
What should and could have been a meeting where we laughed at our childish romance and were pleased to hear our life stories, somehow seemed to me like a romantic assignation in your eyes, which made me uncomfortable.
I did not feel good about the meeting, which was a pity..i suppose you didn't either. We parted with exchange of emails n intentions to keep in touch, but i don't know if i will......
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